4 Oct 2017
It took me a while to find a balance. Still thinking if that is it. I still have better and much worse days. And poor confidence. Asking myself why? I was so strong woman a year ago waiting for my bunch of joy. I was stronger when hardly walking we came back first time with Z. home. I found myself in every moment of a day. Every sleepless night which was like a blessing. And when time came to come back to new reality I failed. That is how I felt.
Since I am working mum I feel I am loosing all the time. I loose precious moments when my tiny baby grows into small girl. I loose her dreamful naps, loose her smiles and hugs. And on the other hand I am just so scared of her, our life, of change, of risk...
Sometimes I feel like a little girl, just few years older than my Z. Sometimes I feel like an old stubborn woman. And I am full of tears when I think it has been already a year. The year!
She is now a girl. A toddler who wants to discover everything, who cries when loose my hand when tries to walk. Empties my cupboards and kitchen drawers. Still prefers to hug and drink mum's milk for breakfast than any other porridge. Loves music and dancing. She can say "dad" and "kitty" in Polish and make few animals' sounds. I am amazed by her character and can not wait for her every little step and milestone. I am so proud today.