9 Mar 2017

I have been waiting such long time to write this post. Every day, day by day, minute after minute, feeding after feeding was for me different. Remember when I was pregnant decision to breastfeed my baby was so natural and obvious that it just happened. I was pretty much shocked when I found Ireland as a country where breastfeeding is an achievement and great mum's sacrifice. In Poland it is default. In my mind was also. And after five months of that milky journey I am very happy and satisfied I have been able to produce precious food for my baby.

I always looked at nursing women in public. They did not bother me as it became recently very common issue. I was rather curious how this feel like. Maybe it sounds weird, but is it not a little bit like a magic? We can grow a baby and then feed it. And now I can say that the feeling is not like anything else. It is so different than any other touch. It is not like breast check for lumps. Not like accidentally touch. It is not even like gently suck during a foreplay.

I have read so many milky stories and research during my preparations to become a mum. I talked with my friends, whom babies devastated their breast. And oh my! I am so lucky my milky way has been very smooth.

When baby Z. was born, I tried to breastfeed. But to be fair I have never done it before. So she did not latch properly. I was lost. I felt so panicky, full of tears and thanks God not full yet of milk. She could not suck. She was such a sleepy head after a few trials she was falling asleep. Someone showed me trick with rubbing her chick, someone asked me to strip her down, someone touch her with wet wipe. And nothing worked. She was hungry and upset. I was terrified I will not be able to provide her food. When I was struggling for few night hours after birth and on morning I was found by "formula midwife", who just left a bottle of artificial milk on my table. But I knew it was just matter of time and appropriate person to help me. So it happened. Very young midwife, which name I do not remember came to me. She took my baby so gently, lied on me upright. She checked my breasts and they were full of colostrum. I did not do much work, did not spend hours on pumping or so as I was advised by my friends. I just wanted to feed her and those thought were all the time in my mind. The midwife found for us a position and after a while we got that. It was so new. It was so beautiful. Little trustful face relied on me. What if I would fail? I did not want to disappoint anyone: myself, my husband, but the most - my baby. So I decided to stay at hospital 24 hours more just to be sure everything was ok. Day after we were ready to go. Feeding on demand with her own pattern.

I had a chart where I supposed to write when I feed, for how long and which breast. But that was so much instinctively I could not remembered to fill down those times and numbers. She slept great, she fed good. Spitting as a baby, which was on the beginning a bit scary for us. Day three found me with enormous breasts, full so much of milk I could not imagine. But that was temporary and pain just bearable. I was so happy everything were going just fine and natural.

But milky way sometimes means ups and downs. We spent every growth spurt on breast. And it was hard, but I had always in my mind this kind of satisfaction for being able to grow my baby. I could not imagine sterilizing bottles, mixing powder and water. I am so grateful my body did it. I am amazed by nature.

If you have a choice and not sure which way of feeding your baby is better, google it. Go to La Leche League meeting, talk with midwife or maybe a friend. Do not expect to see commercial in tv. As this what is best for your little is just for free.

And maybe you want to go step forward and became a milk donor as I did? One night decided I want to share my joy and help someone else. Happy to express milk I just finished my donation and will send it to Human Milk Bank, which is running very low on its supply. If you need more info you will find it here.

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